If you’ve ever found yourself trying to convince someone at work to see things your way over priorities, deadlines, budgets or ideas: congratulations, you’ve been negotiating.
We all do it, all the time. The catch? Most of us don’t realise it, and even fewer of us have ever learned how to do it well.
That’s why this week, I want to talk about negotiation. Not the formal, boardroom kind, but the everyday skill that quietly shapes how work gets done.
The daily reality
We negotiate all the time. Whether you’re setting deadlines, juggling priorities, or asking for support. And the best outcomes don’t come from pushing harder, but from finding the sweet spot where everyone wins.
And we negotiate everywhere: at work, in meetings, and even at home deciding who’s cooking dinner or taking out the bins. But for many of us, it still feels awkward. More tug-of-war than conversation.
The best negotiators don’t try to win; they try to create value. The old win–lose mindset might get a quick result, but it breaks trust. Great leaders know how to find common ground, build fairness into the process, and make sure everyone walks away feeling heard. They also understand that negotiation isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about reading the other person’s style and meeting them where they’re at.
“Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.”
— John F. Kennedy
And like any leadership skill, it starts with mindset. When you see negotiation as learning, not battling, it becomes one of your most powerful tools for growth, collaboration, and long-term success.
Negotiation is a bit like a couple dancing the Vienna Waltz. When one person leads too hard, the other stumbles. But when both tune in, stay flexible, and move in sync, something powerful happens: it flows.
Same message, new style: how Sarah got the budget
One of my coaching clients, Sarah (not her real name), a senior HR leader, came to me feeling stuck. She needed a bigger budget for leadership development programs, but every time she brought it up, her manager shut her down. Her natural style is warm, enthusiastic and people-focused, while her manager is analytical, logical and risk-averse. Total style clash.
Instead of pushing harder, we worked on a new approach. Sarah built a business case grounded in data and logic, speaking to her manager’s “C” preference in DISC. Rather than demanding more money outright, she framed the conversation around shared goals: improving retention and reducing costly turnover. She came prepared with evidence, alternative solutions and a mindset of co-creation. The result? Instead of a flat “yes” or “no,” they found common ground and agreed on a revised budget that met both teams’ needs.
The negotiation gap
A LinkedIn survey found that 40% of professionals feel uncomfortable negotiating which is no surprise when most of us were never formally taught how. Yet research from McKinsey shows that companies prioritising collaborative negotiation strategies outperform competitors by 30% in long-term relationships. That’s a big gap and a clear signal that organisations need to invest in negotiation skills at every level, not just at the top.
There are a couple of helpful models for better negotiation:
1. Clarity – Know what you want and why.
Before you step into any negotiation, get crystal clear on your goals and boundaries. What outcome do you want? Why does it matter? What are your non-negotiables — and where are you flexible?
Ask yourself:
- “What’s most important to me in this conversation?”
- “What would a good outcome look like for both of us?”
- “Where can I give a little to gain a lot?”
For example, if you’re negotiating a project timeline, clarity means knowing the real business impact of deadlines, so you can push for what matters most rather than every small detail.
2. Collaboration – Identify common goals and mutual benefits.
Great negotiators don’t argue positions; they explore interests. Look for shared objectives and frame your conversation around mutual success.
Ask yourself:
- “What’s the win for them?”
- “How can we both walk away better off?”
For example, when negotiating budget or resources, shift the language from “I need this” to “Here’s how this supports our shared goals.” That’s how you turn tension into partnership.
3. Commitment – Secure an outcome with clear next steps.
Every negotiation needs closure — not just agreement. Summarise what’s been decided, confirm who’s doing what, and set a follow-up to review progress.
Ask yourself:
- “What have we agreed to do — and by when?”
- “How will we stay accountable?”
For example, after agreeing on new team priorities, send a quick summary email outlining actions and timelines. It turns goodwill into momentum and keeps trust intact.
“The most important thing in negotiation is to hear what isn’t being said.”
— Peter Drucker
The Negotiation Spectrum: Four DISC Styles in Action
Negotiation happens at a personal level, so here is a model that helps understand our counterpart’s priorities.
How to use it:
Recognising your own style and reading the style across the table changes everything. When a “D” meets an “S,” slow it down. When an “I” negotiates with a “C,” bring data and enthusiasm. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about flexing to connect and create outcomes that stick.
7 Practical Strategies for Better Negotiation
1. Prepare with clarity
Before you walk into any negotiation, know exactly what you want and why. Identify your ideal outcome, your non-negotiables, and where you can be flexible.
Try this: Write down your “must haves,” “nice to haves,” and “walk away” points. Preparation helps you stay confident and focused when the conversation heats up.
2. Listen to Understand
Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Tune in to what’s behind the other person’s words, their motivations, concerns, and needs.
Try this: Ask open questions like “What’s most important to you here?” or “What would success look like from your side?” Then summarise what you’ve heard to show you get it.
3. Reframe the Conversation
Shift from “What can I get?” to “How can we both win?” Framing the conversation around shared goals changes the tone from defensive to collaborative.
Try this: Use inclusive language — phrases like “we,” “together,” and “our priorities.” It signals partnership instead of competition.
4. Use Creative Problem-Solving
If the conversation gets stuck, widen the lens. There’s rarely only one solution on the table.
Try this: Brainstorm “what if” scenarios together: “What if we phased this over two quarters?” or “What if we reallocated some of the budget instead?” Creativity builds momentum and keeps everyone engaged.
5. Manage Emotions
Negotiations can trigger strong feelings like frustration, defensiveness, or even fear. Emotional regulation is what keeps you credible and composed.
Try this: Notice your physical cues like a tight chest or faster breathing and take a pause before reacting. Calm is contagious.
6. Close with Commitment
End every negotiation with clarity and accountability. Confirm next steps, ownership, and timelines.
Try this: Summarise in writing what was agreed, who’s responsible, and when you’ll check in again. It locks in trust and ensures action follows words.
7. Adjust to Style
This is where the DISC lens becomes powerful. Every negotiation partner communicates and decides differently, recognising that style can be the difference between friction and flow.
Try this:
- With a D, be concise, focus on results, and don’t overexplain.
- With an I, keep it upbeat and conversational. Connect before you correct.
- With an S, slow down, show empathy, and give time for reflection.
- With a C, come prepared with logic, data, and clear evidence.
Next time you find yourself in a negotiation, whether it’s about budgets, time, or the last word in a meeting, pause and ask yourself: What’s the outcome we both need here? That simple shift in mindset changes everything.
Reflect on your own negotiation style this week. How do you naturally show up: D, I, S or C? And where could you flex to build more trust, alignment and impact?
We run workshops teaching negotiation skills and adapting style in negotiation conversations. Get in touch if you think we can support you: jessica@intactteams.com.